Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:2 NLT
To live free and healthy, we must create space in our lives in every area. But this is not the mantra of the world in which we live. Our world is characterized by a crazy, chaotic, pressurized quest for more. Because of that, Dr. John Delony says modern-day relationships can often be characterized by selfish, dysfunctional madness. “We have become a society free and clear of all boundaries. With the creation of the internet, email, social media, and smart phones, no one knows where they stop, or other people start anymore. And because we don’t know, we find ourselves living other people’s lives. Or the way we think they expect us to live” (Building a Non-Anxious Life, p.157).
We say yes to unwise things because we are afraid to say no. We do things simply because we are terrified of being out of step with the crowd. We sacrifice health, relationships with people and God, peace of mind, and even our futures based on this pressure we feel to perform in the ways others want to avoid feeling shame.
Paul is telling us we need boundaries and gives us the boundary basic: Don’t be squeezed by the world around you – no matter who they are and how much you love them – by copying the life and decisions of someone who is not you. Let God guide the way you think by helping you grow into yourself – the new person, exactly who you are meant to be. When you change the way you think and make choices according to God’s wisdom for you, you will be living out God’s perfect and pleasing will for you. Your life will please God and you.
Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend have written classics on boundaries, and they tell us that boundaries show me where I end and someone else begins. This knowledge gives me ownership and freedom because I know where my responsibility begins and ends. Limits and boundaries are often interpreted negatively, but they truly are the only way to the freedom of a non-anxious life for you and others. The truth is, some people won’t agree with or like the wise boundaries you set, but you can never have the reward of a healthy life and healthy relationships as long as you are always letting people squeeze you into their mold.
Non-anxious people live within their personal, God-guided boundaries allowing others to do the same. Knowing who you are, what you need, and what you can and cannot give is a gift to all. It gives you freedom, margin, and space to make a positive difference for yourself and others.
- Take a look at the major stressors in your life. What are the wise and kind boundaries you must implement for change?